How to Win Friends and Influence People
What’s inside
Dale Carnegie’s 1936 book is a timeless classic because of his free conversational style and simple approach to life. A lot has changed in the last 84 years, but not the effectiveness of Carnegie’s philosophies. This book entails a list of simple principles following which, one can be an able leader as well as a cherished friend to many. The book helps us to maximize our performance, nourish our capabilities and form stronger bonds with friends and colleagues. It has revolutionized the employee-employer relationship and is a must read for anyone aspiring success in the work-field.
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Lesson 1. Introduction
This 1936 classic by Dale Carnegie begins by promising its readers 8 things that this book will help them achieve, and claims that it has already helped ten million readers in thirty-six languages achieve the same:
- Get out of a mental rut, think new thoughts, acquire
new visions, discover new ambitions. - Make friends quickly and easily.
- Increase your popularity.
- Win people to your way of thinking.
- Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
- Handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep relationships smooth and pleasant.
- Become a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
- Arouse enthusiasm among your associates.
To be popular as well as respectable is something all of us desire. In his book, Carnegie breaks down the secrets that make a person charismatic, popular and influential.
Lesson 2. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
To be able to handle people, first we need to understand people. To be able to understand people, we need to understand why people act or react in a certain way. Instead of condemning people when they make mistakes, we need to analyse their reasons for doing so. It is much more rewarding to understand people than to criticise them. It helps us develop the virtues of kindness, tolerance and patience. It is important to understand that human beings are not machines and it is only human to make mistakes.
Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
Human beings respond better to forgiveness than they do to rebuke. We learn faster when we are appreciated for good work, compared to when we are punished or reprimanded for bad work. Forgiveness kindles in us, a desire to not make the same mistake again. This comes because when you forgive a person, you give them a chance to prove themselves to you. Criticism on the other hand, is resented by us and we turn defensive. Human as we are, we are more likely to be driven by emotions like pride and ego than by logic and reasoning.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Health, food, sleep, money and sex is what we think most people want but this list misses out a very important thing – the desire to be appreciated. We tend to take people in our life for granted and we forget to satiate their innate desire to be appreciated. Appreciation, borne out of sincerity and love, is one
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Famous quotes from How to Win Friends and Influence People
- "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it." -Dale Carnegie
- "A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." -Dale Carnegie
- "Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours." -Dale Carnegie
- "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." -Dale Carnegie
- "Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment." -Dale Carnegie
- "Actions speak louder than words. A smile says, 'I like you. I am glad to see you.'" -Dale Carnegie
- "Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude." -Dale Carnegie
- "Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint." -Dale Carnegie
- "If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive." -Dale Carnegie
- "Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." -Dale Carnegie
- "The rare individual who unselfishly tries to serve others has an enormous advantage." -Dale Carnegie
- "The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want." -Dale Carnegie
- "Arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him." -Dale Carnegie
- "Flaming enthusiasm backed up by horse sense and persistence is the quality that most frequently makes for success." -Dale Carnegie
- "Ask questions instead of giving orders." -Dale Carnegie
- "Remember a name and call it easily and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment." -Dale Carnegie
- "To be interesting, be interested." -Dale Carnegie
- "Pay less attention to what men say. Just watch what they do." -Dale Carnegie
- "Three-fourths of the people you will meet are hungering for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you." -Dale Carnegie
- "Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to." -Dale Carnegie
- "All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward." -Dale Carnegie
- "People are more likely to accept an order if they had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued." -Dale Carnegie
- "Ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst." -Dale Carnegie
- "Only knowledge that is used sticks in your mind." -Dale Carnegie
- "You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself." -Dale Carnegie
- "It raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exaltation to admit one's mistakes." -Dale Carnegie
- "One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses." -Dale Carnegie
- "Every successful person loves the game. The chance to prove his worth, to excel, to win." -Dale Carnegie
- "Criticisms are like homing pigeons. They always return home." -Dale Carnegie
- "The average person is more interested in her own name than in all the other names on earth put together." -Dale Carnegie
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Unlock How to Win Friends and Influence People Lessons!
- Lesson 1. Introduction
- Lesson 2. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
- Lesson 3. Six Ways to Make People Like You (Principle 1 to Principle 3)
- Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Principle 2: Smile.
- Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Lesson 4. Six Ways to Make People Like You (Principle 4 to Principle 6)
- Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
- Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.
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FAQs
In the summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People book, there are 13 key lessons. These lessons include:
- Lesson 1. Introduction
- Lesson 2. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
- Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
- Lesson 3. Six Ways to Make People Like You (Principle 1 to Principle 3)
- Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Principle 2: Smile.
- Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Lesson 4. Six Ways to Make People Like You (Principle 4 to Principle 6)
- Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
- Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.